


where memories blink out like stars

by xSparklingRavenx



Category: Final Fantasy X, Final Fantasy X-2
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:30:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1347532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSparklingRavenx/pseuds/xSparklingRavenx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She fell in love with a dream and all dreams have to end at some point. That's why they're called dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where memories blink out like stars

**Author's Note:**

> Happy EU release date for the HD remaster! Although this fic isn't exactly happy haha...enjoy!

The woods are still fading before her eyes; Yuna knows this. Macalania Forest is going to disappear but she still finds herself here, standing on the edge of the spring, whispers of the past in her ears. When she told herself she wouldn't let it become a memory, she meant it. A memory means it's in the past, that it is gone and is unobtainable. A memory means to accept, and Yuna doesn't know if she wants to accept anything just yet.

That sphere had filled her with hope, to the point it had been brimming in her chest and threatening to consume her. It was a foolish act, to get excited over a sphere that may not have even been him in the first place. But it was something, something to hang onto and to use as a justification to not have to accept, to not have to reconcile the knowledge that he's gone and he's probably never coming back with herself.

She fell in love with a dream and all dreams have to end at some point. That's why they're called dreams.

Yuna brings her fingers to her lips and whistles, the piercing sound cutting through the eerie silence and shattering the motionless picture. Birds flutter from trees. Something shatters inside of her too. The matching whistle doesn't answer. _I'll come running, I promise._

"You broke your promise," she whispers tearfully, fists clenched. She's never cried for him. Numbness took over back at first, and by the time it fell away and she had it in her to grieve, she didn't have time. She was so busy, with the Eternal Calm, with being the High Summoner. By the time all of that disappeared, Rikku had brought her the sphere and hope took the place of where her grief should have been.

She doesn't cry now, but it's hard to keep it back. The wail builds and threatens to explode from her throat but she calms it. You can't bring back what never truly existed. That is what she tells herself.

It doesn't stop her trying. It's never stopped her trying. That's why she ran all over the world chasing the wisps of a fantasy, only to find the man hiding behind it was a thousand years dead and willing to destroy the world all for the lover he had lost. It wasn't him, despite the resemblance.

She sits, because she's going to be here a while. The water ripples as she dips a finger in it. One wave causes another and slowly they spread out across the spring. His hand on her shoulder, her tears on her cheeks, his lips on hers, their hands entwined. That is the scene that this place holds, and when it disappears it'll take that with it and all it will be is a memory. Memories are forgotten. Faces are lost, feelings are displaced. It's like when they threatened to burn down the Besaid Temple and she did everything she could to stop it. To burn down the temple meant to burn down the place where she met him.

Was it infatuation that drew her to him? She knew nothing about him back then, but there was still _something_ that pulled her towards him. Perhaps it was because of how unexpected it really was. Only guardians were allowed in there but there he was, someone she had never met before in a place where only people like family were allowed. He was unpredictable. He didn't just break the rules, he walked all over them until they were nothing more than fragments in the dust and he did it for her. In Bevelle, in this spring, at the end of the world where he took her place as a sacrifice. He didn't just lay down and accept what was coming. He took charge and changed the world, and for the first time the summoner didn't have to die. Sin was gone from the world and everybody cheered her name instead of his.

The spring is still again. The quiet rings in her ears. Yuna wonders what the others think of her, constantly coming back here again and again when they have other pressing matters. Shuyin won't wait forever. She wishes he would. Forever is a long time, and she wants all of it right here.

She understands his frustration, realises their similarities. A thousand years of separation isn't two, but they've both lost the ones they love. It wasn't a gun that ripped him away from her, but it may as well have been.

Is she selfish for wanting him back, for not moving on straight away? Maybe she is, but doesn't she have that right? All her life she's only ever done her work for others, made them happy. She was going to sacrifice her life just to rid the world of Sin for another ten years. She was going to marry someone she didn't love for Spira's happiness. She let the man she did love disappear for it.

Her fingers dig into the dirt. She grabbed his hand here and they walked side by side. She wants that again. To just enjoy his company. To laugh and joke and be the people they couldn't when Sin was a real threat and her time was limited. She wants to show him how strong she is, how she wields his sword in battle on occasion. She wants him to see Lulu and Wakka's new baby, let him know how Rikku managed to get over her fear of lightning, wants him to see Kimhari's strength in being the Ronso's leader, let him meet Paine.

She wants to kiss him again, hold him in her arms and never let go.

Is this grief? It must be. There are five stages of it, but she's not willing to progress into acceptance even though she has walked through the feelings of the others. She denied it, she got angry, she bargained and she fell down only to pick herself right up again.

She is Yuna and she is strong, even if sometimes she doesn't feel like it. That is why she's still here, ready to take on threat after threat even after she's lost so much. That is what she needs to remember when she feels this way, that she is not alone and that she has the strength to go on and do what she needs to do.

She stands, looks at the lake one more time. Hands, lips, smiles, tears and laughter. Those are the feelings this spring holds. Those are the feelings she won't let fade just yet.

"You ready to go, Yunie?" Rikku asks from behind her. Yuna gasps and turns, the moment broken. "Oh, sorry! Was this kinda private?"

"Oh, no, no," Yuna shakes her head, offering a small smile. "I didn't hear you come over. Have I been here long?"

"Kinda," she draws out the word, her grin wide. "But we don't mind. It's important, right?" she crouches by the spring. "Everyone has their important places. Even Paine, she just doesn't admit it as much."

"Yeah," Yuna nods, staring back out over it. "You're right. I'm just...I'm just worried that it's going to fade and I won't be able to see it anymore, you know?"

"I get it." Rikku nods, edging back so her scarf doesn't dip into the surface of the glittering water. "Memories are nice, but that's all they are. It's nothing like the real deal at all."

"Do you miss him too, Rikku?"

Rikku appears as if she considers. "Of course I do. But...I think we'll see him again. He never said no when I called out to him before he left. And besides, he wouldn't leave you behind forever, Yunie. I'm sure he'll come back."

Yuna looks up, sees the blue slit of the sky where the icy trees part their branched fingers. "I just wish I could conserve this place forever."

"Well," Rikku hops up, her face the sun. "We might not be able to save Macalania, but do you know where we _can_ save?"

Yuna tilts her head. "Hm?"

Rikku claps her hands together. "Zanarkand, of course! Last I heard, those little monkeys are multiplying like crazy! You know what that means, right?"

Yuna feels something ignite inside her. Determination, excitement. "Pick-pocketing all around!" she answers.

"Yeah!" Rikku nods, jumping in ecstasy. "Which totally means all the tourists are going to clear out! Operation Rescue Zanarkand From Commercialism is accomplished! We should go and check it out."

She's speeding off before Yuna can affirm her decision, but that's okay. She takes one look behind her, back at the spring, back where all those wonderful things happened, and then she starts running after her cousin.

She can't stop it vanishing. Eventually it will become just a memory, and memories fade like dreams, like him. But for now, she's holding it close, like the phantom matching whistle she waits to hear again or the way he held his sword. She doesn't have to accept yet, not when there's so much left to do.

She has time. 


End file.
